Brainy Boo Busted

REDNECK RUSE REVEALED

Expectarant can reveal that the PGA Tour's favorite good ol' boy, Boo Weekley, is in reality genius Dr. Beauregard Weekly, PhD.


The news will come as a shock to the fans of his happy-go-lucky, down-to-earth, thick-as-a-brick style. Weekley has legions of supporters who identify with his cracker, creationist, crass comments.
Every week, we are treated to examples of his redneck, inbred, dumbass, trailer trash talk. On foreign food: "Ain't no sweet tea, and ain't no fried chicken", on St Andrews: "I didn't know it was the home of golf. I thought the home of golf was where I was from.", on what he knows about China: "ehm, rice?".
However, Expectarant has discovered that the idiotic cletus-esque behavior is a sham, and that Beauregard is actually a genius with a doctorate in astro-physics. With 20-20 hindsight, his resemblance to Albert Einstein should have been a giveaway.



Expectarant approached Boo as he practiced behind his trailer in Buttfuck, Arkansas. Standing beside what appeared to be a toilet bowl with flowers in it, Boo regaled Expecterant with tales of mowing his lawn and finding a car; on going Christmas shopping for his mom, sister and girlfriend - and only having to buy one gift...; on how he can spit without opening his mouth; and was bemoaning the fact that his wife weighs more than his refridgerator when Expectarant dropped the bombshell and waved copies of Beauregard's many degrees and doctorates.
When confronted with the evidence, Weekley broke down and said "Oh, bother. Am I to understand that you have seen through my subterfuge? My, what perspecacity you have demonstrated." In his defence, Boo pointed out that just as all successful women golfers are unattractive, there are no intelligent successful male golfers. "One must appreciate the pressure on one to conform. There is simply no room on the tour for an articulate asthetic athlete such as myself. I find myself in a cultural desert, surrounded by supremely stupid people such as Colin "Mrs Doubtfire" Montgomery and Paul "Gormless" Goydos.
As such, it has been my wont to chuckle, fart, spit, talk inanely, and shoot anything that wanders within range to maintain the facade." As Beauregarde began sobbing into a delicate lace handkerchief which he had embroidered himself, Expectarant quietly made excuses and left.
Walking back to the highway, Expectarant passed by Boo's stationwagon, complete with hood and one door being a different color from the rest of the car. From the rear of the trailer, Boo was pulling himself together. The sounds of urinating mingled with his cackling, the psst of a beer can being opened, and an enormous bronxcheer that rattled the cracked windows of his mobile home......