Bizarre Beastly Bulldog Bestiality Beamed?

PATHETIC PLAYER PERPETRATES PERVERTED PRETEND POOCH PENETRATION POSING PROMOTION

From the Expectarant “we couldn’t make this up” category. It appears that Gary has dropped his “Player Phony Prodigy Posed Petting Photo Plot Perpertrating” (see HERE) for some strange one-on-one action with man’s best friend.

Hard to believe this. At times quite brilliant in a “The Office”-esque way, this bizarre ad for UgMO is ultimately quite disturbing.

You decide. Two versions to enjoy:




Thanks to Kimberley for bringing this sordid mayhem to my attention. Remember Kim: Viral marketing doesn’t work anymore. Tell everyone you know that.

Nothing to be sniffed at…

ANNIKA SORENSTAM LAUNCHES FRAGRANCE
"Annika Sorestam to launch "Annika by Annika" at the WGC at Doral"

Drawing gasps from the assembled horde of howling hacks Annika Sorelymissed got the launch of her new fragrance off to an appalling start by revealing her notoriously ugly back. As the dipsomaniac doodlers dashed for the door, she squirted some “Annika by Annika” into the air and coquettishly chuckled as she gazed over her grotesquely gnarly shoulder at the petrified pen-wielders.

BOO BOKES
There hasn’t been this scale of negative reaction since the launch of “Boo by Boo Weekley”, a nightmarish concoction of urine, blood, beer and bronxcheer bubbles designed to be pored over one's head (below). On that occasion the stampede led to several deaths by trampling and we were left with the heartrending sight of the abandoned aesthete (see "Brainy Boo Busted" here) retching, sobbing and dabbing at his eyes with a self-embroidered lace handkerchief muttering “Oh me. I suspect I’ve overreached in my slovenly subterfuges…”

PHAT PHIL PHRAGRANCE
Another classic was “Phat by Phat Phil Mickelson”, a heady brew of unsaturated fat, lard, ground beef and natchos. Promoted as a combination of scent and hair gel, as well as Phil’s favorite health drink (see "Phat Phil Phinds Phorm" here), this gelatinous goo was guaranteed to stick around for days as it seeped into (and later back out of) the wearer’s pores.

IMMELAME INDIFFERENCE
The most boring launch was that of “Trevor by Trevor Immelame”. Well known for finishing bogey-bogey-bogey even when managing to win, this loathed lotion was based on Trevor’s unfortunate tendency to soil himself when under pressure (see "Immelman meltdown" here). The heady aroma of sweat, excrement and urine was too much even for the notoriously noxious newsmen.

TIGER TUMESCENT
Not surprisingly, the most successful launch was Tiger Woods' tantalizing “Wood by Tiger”. It’s advertising slogan, “Use This, Get Wood!” was wildly popular. Sadly, it was withdrawn from sale after the notorious Gary Player incident. After drinking several bottles of the heady brew, Player was apprehended and charged with fragrancy when found lurching around trying to put children on his shoulders and muttering “Ed Varsity welcome” into his mobile phone (see "PLAYER PHONY PRODIGY POSED PETTING PHOTO PLOT PERPETRATED" here).